|
| |
|
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE
TO LIKE YOURSELF
|
|
By my calculations, I am now in the 37th year of my lightning
campaign to lose ten pounds. It was once five pounds, but like most wars,
there has been an escalation.
I've tried everything except eating and drinking less. My
latest attempt was prompted by my niece, who lost 20 pounds and looks
fantastic as a result of her miracle diet.
"No meat and no dairy," she replied when I asked her
how she did it. "Everything else is good to go."
Slam dunk. I love fish and I can suffer without meat and cheese
for a while. At least until I lose that pesky ten pounds. I was all in.
I started about two months ago. With incredible discipline, I
completely forsake some of my favorite foods. I even substituted oat milk
for dairy milk when I had my nightly milk and cookies before bed.
Six weeks after starting this miracle diet, I'm here to
announce that I have GAINED one pound.
The oat milk and cookies didn't help. Neither did the bread,
rice, noodles, popcorn, nuts, potato chips, chocolate and beer that I
happily decided wasn't part of the "no dairy, not meat" diet.
"I never lost a pound!" I complained to my niece
after six weeks of gallantly eliminating meat and dairy from my diet.
"I suffered for nothing. Your weight loss program sucks!"
That was two weeks ago. I gulped down some eggs for breakfast,
a cheeseburger for lunch and lamb chops for dinner to show my disdain for
her diet. I was done. If I was going to gain a pound, I wanted to do it my
way.
For someone who has had zero success in 37 years at losing
weight, I sure think about it a lot. I weigh myself every day and stress
over a couple of pounds gained and celebrate (by eating) over a couple of
pounds lost. Needless to say, it balances out and I stay pretty much the
same.
The National Institute of Health estimates that 74% of
Americans are overweight. We are the people who live to eat, as compared to
the people who eat to live.
That's why I'd have trouble with those drugs that are designed
to curb your appetite. The latest are Ozempic and Wegovy, which requires a
shot once a week that you administer yourself.
That's a non-starter. Besides, insurance will only cover the
cost if you're obese and have complications from your weight. I wouldn't
qualify, meaning it would cost about $1500 per month.
These are miracle drugs, as evidenced by some friends who have
lost dozens of pounds, but I'd rather be ten pounds overweight than lose my
appetite. Besides, apparently my healthy girth can be
attractive.
Let me explain. I was at a social event recently and a woman my
age announced that older men should always carry a few extra pounds.
"I love you," I told her, perhaps a little too
eagerly.
"It's true," she said. "Skinny older men look
too frail and sickly. You need to have those extra pounds to look
manly."
My wife didn't hear this exchange. Of course, I immediately let
her know that she was very fortunate to have a mate who had a healthy girth.
"I guess your no meat, no dairy diet didn't work too
well," she replied, knowing I was rationalizing. "Maybe you should
try eating and drinking less."
She is in the disgusting 26% who are not overweight. She
doesn't understand gluttony. She eats to live. I've seen her eat lunch
standing up, simply filling her body with the necessary calories to get
through the day.
I live to eat. I look forward to meals. As soon as I finish
breakfast, I quite often find myself thinking about what I'm going to have
for lunch. And then there's dinner---the highlight of the day.
I'm probably never going to lose those ten pounds. I have found
my natural weight, and it's here to stay. Even if I suffered through a real
diet and lost it, the pounds would eventually come roaring back.
The war is pretty much over. The belly is winning, and it may
be time to make peace and embrace the belly.
|
|
|
