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WISHING EVERYONE A
VERY MERRY SOMETHING
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At the rate my children are reproducing, it won't be long
before I have a stable of grandchildren who are actually old enough to walk
and talk. And when we all gather to celebrate Christmas, like many families
are doing today, it will go something like this:
Little Jimmy: (bounding through the door) Merry
Christmas, Grandpa!
Me: (taking him into my arms) Little Jimmy, I'm shocked.
Didn't your parents teach you to say "Happy Holidays" instead of
"Merry Christmas?" I could have been offended.
Little Jimmy: Sorry, Grandpa. Happy Holidays!
Me: That's my little guy. Better safe than sorry. Oh, look, here comes your
cute little sister, Little Susie.
Little Susie: (snuggling) Season's Greetings, Grandpa!
Me: (nodding at Little Jimmy) And a joyful holiday
celebration to you, too, Little Susie.
Little Jimmy: Grandpa, tell us again why we can't
say....you know what.
Me: Because it's not politically correct, Little Jimmy.
And we all need to be politically correct or our civilization will crumble.
Little Jimmy: (scratching his little head) Okay, that
makes sense, I guess. But none of my friends seemed to care when I
said....you know what.
Me: Are any of your friends Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or
Hindu, by any chance?
Little Jimmy: How would I know?
Me: Good answer. But if they are, they might be offended
since they don't celebrate Christmas. That's why you can't say....you know
what.
Little Susie: Jews celebrate Hanukkah and Muslims
celebrate the end of Ramadan, you nitwit. You can't wish them a Merry you
know what because they don't celebrate Christmas.
Little Jimmy: (getting feisty) It wouldn't bother me if
they wished me a Happy Hanukkah or a Merry Ramadan. I think it would be kind
of nice. It would make me feel like a part of their celebration.
Me: Just roll with it, kid. Surveys show about half of
the American population prefers to use "Happy Holidays" instead of
"Merry you know what."
Little Jimmy: (stubbornly) But Christmas is just another
holiday, Grandpa. It's just like Thanksgiving except we get presents. Why
can't everyone celebrate it and then we could say Merry you know what to all
the people in the world?
Little Susie: (rolling her eyes) You have to be the
stupidest brother in the world. Christmas is a Christian holiday where we
celebrate the birth of Christ.
Little Jimmy: Who?
Little Susie: (shouting) Jesus Christ!
Me: Watch your tone, Little Susie. Little Jimmy, like
many retailers in this world, may not associate Christmas with anything
other than buying and receiving gifts. He's certainly not alone in that
regard.
Little Jimmy: (becoming defiant) Yeah, it's like my
birthday, only better!
Me: Christmas is sacred for many people, Little Jimmy.
It's a religious holiday for some, and for others it's simply the most
wonderful time of the year. Then there's a small segment of the population
that absolutely dreads it.
Little Jimmy: People from other religions?
Me: No, people who can't stand crowds and despise
shopping. That could be anybody.
Little Jimmy: Grandpa, do you know anyone from another
religion that doesn't like Christmas?
Me: Not really. I would guess they generally don't care
one way or the other.
Little Jimmy: Do you want your Jewish friends to have a
happy Hanukkah and your Muslim friends to have a good Ramadan?
Me: Of course.
Little Jimmy: Then don't you think your Jewish and
Muslim and Buddhist friends would want you to have a Merry you know what?
Me: Absolutely.
Little Susie: You can see where he's going with this,
can't you Grandpa?
Me: (warily) I don't think he's that smart.
Little Jimmy: Merry Christmas, Grandpa. I'm going with
it.
Little Susie: Not me. I'm sticking with Happy Holidays.
Still much safer.
Me: Smart kids, but after much thought I'm going with
the safest route of all, and I'm going to shout it out for all the world to
hear: Happy Holidays AND Merry Christmas!
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