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RESPONDING WITH THE
BEST OF THEM
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There are so many ways I can improve the world, and today I
will share one of my essential concepts. This one revolves around the art of
communication, which I have humbly mastered.
I'll be quick to say this concept does not include household
communication, which I'm told is not one of my strengths. No, I am a master
of email, text and phone communication, and I will tell you why.
But first, let me rank the levels of communication among our
species. After I explain the qualities of each level, you can choose your
ranking, and then perhaps aspire to move up. Here they are:
1. Master Communicator
2. Moderate Communicator
3. Clueless
We'll start with Master Communicator which, as noted, includes
me. It's a very select group, much like Master Sommeliers. Here are the
qualifications necessary:
EMAILS
a) Requires an immediate response, usually shocking the
recipient with your swiftness. This is always the goal, but sometimes you're
doing other things and an immediate response is impossible. If so, the 24
hour rule is invoked. Under no circumstances, even when on vacation, does a
Master Communicator go more than 24 hours without responding.
b) No typos allowed. Master Communicators always proofread
their emails.
c) There is one exception to the immediate response rule. For
instance, when you see an email come in and you want the sender to think
you're a busy person. In that case, waiting a few hours or so before
responding, even if you have nothing else to do, is acceptable.
TEXTS
a) Even more so than emails, texts, by their nature, require
immediate response. Master Communicators are seldom without their phones and
have no excuse for not responding within moments. Exceptions, of course, are
made for political fundraising texts.
b) No abbreviations allowed. No "u" for you or
"r" for are. And again, proofreading required. Auto Correct is the
enemy.
c) When a text exchange with only one person goes for more than
three pings, Master Communicators stop texting and call the texter on their
phone, completely surprising them. The conversation is then completed in
1/20th the time it would have taken with texts, and with more substance.
PHONE
a) Master Communicators actually use the phone, as noted above.
They find this ancient form of communication useful and efficient.
b) If their call goes to voicemail, a Master Communicator
actually leaves a voicemail, sometimes with a detailed message, which
perhaps only a fellow Master Communicator will ever listen to.
c) When receiving a call, a Master Communicator will accept it,
grateful someone wants to talk to them. Even unknown numbers are accepted.
It could be an old friend.
MODERATE COMMUNICATORS
Most people fall into this category. You know who you are.
You're not Clueless (see below) but you've got a long way to go before being
anointed a Master Communicator.
Emails and texts are read and acknowledged, but there is no
hurry to respond, even when you know the recipient is anxiously awaiting a
response. You'll get to it whenever you feel the urge, which may be days.
Example: You'll text someone with a question. If it's a Master
Communicator, he or she will respond immediately, answering your question
but also with a question of their own. You had just texted, so your phone is
obviously in your hands. But no response is forthcoming. Moderate
Communicators will wait an hour or two before responding, driving Master
Communicators nuts.
Moderate Communicators are the norm. They aren't married to
their phone, live a happy, relatively stress-free life, and embrace
technology when it suits them. And yes, it's possible that Master
Communicators are a little jealous.
CLUELESS
No jealously here. We all have a few friends or business
associates who are ridiculously unresponsive. Emails, texts, phone
calls---it doesn't matter. They'll fail to respond to anything.
Once you finally reach them, and you always do, they'll usually
apologize. They'll claim they've been ridiculously busy, or they'll say they
didn't see the 12 messages you sent them, or they'll laugh and joke about
their incompetence.
These people, and there are many out there, need to be removed
from society. That may sound harsh, but Master Communicators need to be
tough when discussing communication.
Once the Clueless realize that communication is the backbone of
civilization, we will let them back in. Until then, they're out.
Unfortunately, they'll never get the message.
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