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FACEBOOK SPIES ARE
EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK |
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I am a relative novice when it comes to social media. I don't
have a Twitter account, I don't understand why you need hashtags, and I
wouldn't know a Snapchat if it struck me in the face.
However, years ago I created a Facebook account so I could
spy on my children. And now that Facebook is losing its popularity amid
concerns about privacy issues, I decided it's time to reevaluate my
interest in the social media giant.
In other words, I need to do more spying before Facebook
becomes obsolete.
More than 1.4 billion people around the world use Facebook
every day, and surveys estimate 68% of Americans have accounts, including
37% of people over the age of 65. That's a lot of people whose privacy I
need to invade, and I've only got so much time.
But it does beg the question---if people are concerned about
their privacy, what are they doing posting photos and personal information
on the internet in the first place? If they want privacy, creating a
profile on Facebook is probably not a good place to start.
Personally, I don't worry much about privacy. Maybe I should,
but I don't. Google has pretty much put an end to any chance of going
through life anonymously. Everyone's life is more or less an open book.
It's only a question as to how much you want to reveal.
That's why I've never posted anything on Facebook in my life.
Or I've never "liked" a post someone else posted. It's just an
invitation for a "connection" that the Facebook algorithm will
be happy to make.
Instead, I just peruse the Facebook "news feed" on
my phone when I'm waiting for something, or when I've got a spare moment.
There's always something entertaining, whether it's an old video of The
Beatles, or an anti-Trump political rant, or a goofy picture of my
son-in-law on New Year's Eve toasting the New Year.
It's basically a good old-fashioned form of spying on your
neighbors. I know their likes, their dislikes, their fears, their travel
plans, their social events and their restaurant reservations. Not
everything, just bits and pieces, but it's enough to keep me interested.
And since I don't post anything, they know very little about me. The
perfect spy.
Of course, unless you're a hacker from Cambridge Analytica, I
have to make friends with anyone whose life I want to follow. This concept
has always fascinated me, because making friends is such a personal issue.
For the few readers who are less adept at social media than
I, let me explain. To make a Facebook friend, you have to either send or
accept a "friend request." Until this week, I never sent a
friend request to anyone, because I thought it was the strangest concept
I've ever seen. Instead, I waited for the occasional friend request to
come to me. If I knew them, I'd gladly accept. If I never heard of them,
I'd callously reject them.
As of this week, I had 237 friends, more than any man would
ever need. I checked the friend count of my friends (yes, spying), and
they ranged from about 100 to a high of 3731 (someone's insecure!), with
an average of about 600. There's clearly a lot of flimsy relationships
going on.
Nevertheless, it was time to break out of my shell and make
new friends. I tried to forget my 5th grade experience, when we moved
across San Francisco and I had to make new friends at a new school. My
first target rejected me like yesterday's news, and it took me years to
recover.
But Facebook was on the wane, and I had to get my spying in
before it folded. So I started by sending a friend request to my
daughter's boyfriend and my son's girlfriend. If I was going to continue
my spying, they were the perfect candidates.
Foolishly, they accepted. Now anything they posted would be
seen by my spying eyes, at least on the rare occasions I had time to check
it out.
Then I clicked on the "People You May Know" link
from Facebook. It recommends potential friends because it knows more about
the people you might know than you do. There were business associates,
distant relatives, and long lost acquaintances. Boldened by the acceptance
of my children's significant others, I asked many of them to be my friend
and relinquish their privacy forever.
Fortunately, I didn't know how to message them that
sentiment, so most of them just quietly accepted. I'll just have to Google
the ones who rejected me. |
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