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MORE ADVICE FROM
THE VENERABLE DR. C
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Editor's Note: It's time for yet another installment
from our nationally syndicated (in his dreams) advice columnist, that Doctor
of Communications himself, well known to his legion of mythical fans as
simply Doctor C.
Dear Dr. C: I'm 27 years old and I was always taught by
my parents to respect my elders. With that in mind, I've always addressed my
parent's friends as Mr. Smith or Mr. Jones and not by their first names. I'm
very uncomfortable changing over to a first name basis. How should I handle
this? Signed, Confused in Cotati.
Dear Confused: First of all, Dr. C would like to adopt
you. You sound like an exemplary young person who understands his (or her)
role in life. However, you are now 27 years old and it is time to grow up
and realize that no one wants to feel old. Dr. C knows a 32 year old who is
a longtime friend of his son, and this whippersnapper refuses to call Dr. C
by his first name, despite repeated requests to do so. Obviously, he enjoys
making Dr. C feel old and Dr. C would like to kill him. Dr. C always tells
adult friends of his kids to call him by his first name, as long as they
preface it with Doctor. Respect is respect.
Dear Dr. C: I have a friend who is always late. He
generally has a reason, but it's usually bogus. He has no track of time, and
rarely apologizes when he finally shows up. What makes people be perennially
late? Signed, Exasperated in Eugene.
Dear Exasperated: Dr. C feels your pain, because Dr. C
also has a friend who is always late. Since Dr. C is neurotically on time,
it is difficult for Dr. C to understand why his friend consistently keeps
Dr. C waiting. So Dr. C did some research and found four reasons why some
people are always late:
1) Lack of self-discipline, where some people find it
impossible to pull themselves away from an activity.
2) Some people are afraid of being early because they feel
inefficient, awkward or uncomfortable waiting.
3) Eternal optimism could be a factor, meaning some people
honestly think a 25 minute commute will take 10 minutes.
4) Some people are self-centered egotists who insist on making
a grand entrance so that everyone waiting can appreciate their presence.
Pick the one that best describes your friend. Dr. C, because he
loves his friend, will not cast a vote. Let's just say Dr. C finds example
#4 the most intriguing.
Dear Dr. C: I work in the service industry and my
supervisor never compliments me on my performance. For that matter, he never
compliments any of my co-workers, either. I get plenty of compliments from
my customers on my service. Why can't the person who signs my paycheck and
has total control over my employment ever say something nice? It would make
me feel so much better if he did. Signed, Insecure in Idaho.
Dear Insecure: Dr. C loves giving compliments, so it is
also hard for Dr. C to understand why some people find it so difficult to
compliment others. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and appreciated for
their accomplishments, and it's especially gratifying when it comes from
people with authority. Since Dr. C seldom receives a compliment, Dr. C has
made it his lifetime quest to figure out why. Here are Dr. C's theories, all
stolen from others:
1) The non-complimenter has a strongly competitive personality
and feels that complimenting others make their achievements inferior.
2) The non-complimenter thinks a person's accomplishments are
to be expected and not worthy of acknowledgment.
3) A compliment will make the recipient egotistical and
therefore it is intentionally withheld.
4) The non-complimenter grew up with parents who were more apt
to criticize than compliment. Consequently, praise for another might create
feelings of unease.
5) The non-complimenter is a narcissist who has no need for
compliments for themselves and therefore feels no need to reciprocate.
6) There is nothing worth complimenting.
Dr. C has no idea which of the above applies to your
supervisor. Dr. C only knows that #6 can be eliminated. The bottom line is
that understanding why some people cannot give compliments might help you to
accept that you're never going to get them. Dr. C has learned to
congratulate himself for a job well done. You'd be wise to do the same.
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