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GETTING BACK ON
THE SOCIAL CIRCUIT
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Life is all about calculated risks, and my wife and I decided
it was time to take one. Tired of hanging with each other, we took the
plunge last Saturday and invited some friends over for an outside dinner.
There were actually two risks involved in this endeavor. 1) We
would get COVID-19 and die, and/or 2) She would end the night a little testy
because I hadn't helped out enough. Fortunately, the second risk was much
more likely.
I'm not sure where I go wrong, but apparently I do quite often.
Maybe it has something to do with her being a perfectionist when it comes to
entertaining, and my attitude of not caring at all. That could be a trigger.
It starts a couple of hours before the guests arrive, when she
insists we pick up everything in the bedroom and make the bed, which no one
will ever see.
"Just close the bedroom door," I stupidly say every
time. "We'll be outside, anyway. Who would want to see our
bedroom?"
Apparently, everyone. First battle lost, but it wouldn't be the
last.
Then it was time to get dressed. Since it was about 95 degrees
outside last weekend, I put on shorts and a shirt and marched into the
kitchen, where she was organizing a plate of appetizers. She took a casual
look at me and simply said, "No."
"Green doesn't go with grey," she added. "Try
again."
I was thrilled she wasn't objecting to the shorts, so I
dutifully went back to the bedroom and tried another shirt, my red-green
color blindness working overtime. And then back into the kitchen I went.
"No. Try again."
I'm proud to say I got it right the third time. White shirts
are a beautiful thing. Next up for the perfectionist was the appetizers.
Would someone explain to me why it is sacrilege to cut into a
hunk of cheese on a platter and eat it with one measly cracker before guests
arrive? To me, the result is that the plate looks like it's user friendly
for the guests. To my wife, it looks like the end of the world.
Her reaction reminded me of that joke of the feeble, decrepit
old man on his death bed who smells freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. He
crawls to the kitchen and reaches up to the counter to grab one when he gets
his hand smacked.
"Don't even think about it!" cries his wife.
"Those are for the funeral!"
Since we were now off to our usual combative start, it was a
relief when our guests arrived. Not only could I eat all the appetizers I
wanted, but they were a welcome distraction to the annoyance I was providing
for my wife.
Like good pandemic guests, they eschewed hugs and handshakes
and marched straight through the house to the outside area. I brought them
drinks and what was left of the appetizers.
"So how's everybody doing?" I asked once they were
all settled at a social distance.
The reaction was a bit mixed. Couple #1 gushed about how nice
it was to get out and socialize a little bit. They had been cooped up for
too long, and felt that with the proper precautions, it was time to blossom.
Couple #2 was a little more outgoing. "We're doing just
fine," the husband said. "We were in Monterey last weekend with
Bill, Susan, Frank, Joanie, Ted, Amy, Phil, John, Sheila and a few other
friends. We had a blast!"
"And just this week," gushed the wife, "I
exercised every day with a different group of friends. It's just so
therapeutic."
As Couple #1 and my wife and I slid our chairs a few inches
farther away from Couple #2, she was obliged to add, "With masks, of
course. Unless we were sweating."
Of course. As the conversation continued, my wife headed to the
kitchen and I got up to start the barbecue. Like any polite guests, Couple
#2 asked if we needed any help.
My wife and I looked at each other and, for once, we were
completely on the same page when it came to entertaining guests in our home.
"NOOOOOOOO! Thank you," we said in almost unison,
maybe a little too loud.
"We've got this," I continued. "You
disease-ridden maggots just relax and enjoy yourself."
They're really good friends, so I'm sure they understood.
Besides, like I said, it was a rare moment of entertainment bonding for my
wife and me. We may get sick with COVID-19, but at least she didn't get
testy with me.
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