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CHARITABLE GIVING CAN
BE A STRUGGLE
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It was around 6:00 in the evening last Saturday and my wife and I
were getting ready to go out. While she delicately slapped on some makeup
and fiddled with her hair, I was busy pumping pushups and stretching.
"What are you doing?" she asked as she watched me
perform a couple of hip twists.
"Loosening up for our usual battle tonight," I
replied. "I'm determined to hold you back this time."
Let me explain. We were going to another charity event, and
there was going to be the usual live auction, where wonderful trips and/or
events are sold to the highest bidder, all for the benefit of the featured
charity.
My wife likes live auctions. She gets that little numbered
placard in her hands and some kind of force takes over her body. The placard
goes up before the auctioneer even announces the opening bid. We generally
end up in a mild-mannered wrestling match as the bidding gets higher and
higher, and I didn't want to pull any muscles when I struggled to keep the
placard in her lap. That's why I was stretching.
"Don't worry," she said. "I saw an advanced list
of the auction items already. I don't think I'm interested in
anything."
Yeah, right. I knew better, so I threw in a couple of waist
bends as we walked to our car and then drove to the event.
The venue was magnificent, as usual, and I wondered, as usual,
why these charities spend so much money on the setting, decor, music, food,
wine and alcohol. Personally, I prefer the Richmond/Salesian Boy's and
Girl's Club, where the event is in the school gymnasium and the food is
often donated by local restaurants. Most of the funds raised go to the kids,
not the venue and the caterer.
But I seem to be in the minority, as many charities seem to
want to outdo each other in their opulence. The idea is to generate
participation, and the argument is that if you throw a good party, people
will come.
This one, like so many others, was indeed a good party. We
stepped inside to a dazzling room filled with silent auction items, and my
wife and I perused them as we sipped our wine from the open bar.
I had my eye on a $100 gift certificate from one of my favorite
restaurants. Big spender that I am, I proudly bid $50. I smelled a deal.
"It's a charity," my wife said disgustingly as she
crossed out my bid and wrote down $100. "You're not supposed to find
bargains."
As always, she took all the fun out of my shopping. And when I
circled back a little later and noticed that some financially challenged
knucklehead had bid $150 for the $100 gift certificate, I decided this
silent auction was not for me.
Besides, the live auction was coming soon, and I knew I was in
serious financial danger. My wife was carrying her numbered placard like a
sword, and I was certain she would be thrusting it in the air shortly.
There were two reasons I was confident my instincts were
correct. The first one is alcohol. There are reasons your wine glass is
seldom empty at a charitable event. Since my wife was not driving, she had
no reason to say no when the waiter refilled her glass. And just as alcohol
can loosen the tongue, it can loosen the pocketbook as well.
The second reason is the video. There always seems to be a
video, right before the live auction begins, which explains the wonderful
mission of the charity, and has poignant scenes of the people it is
assisting. Invariably, it tugs at the heartstrings and makes you want to do
as much as you can to help.
With all hearts sufficiently warmed, the auctioneer began with
the first item. Sure enough, my wife's placard shot in the air, even though
we had absolutely no interest in the item being sold.
"Don't worry," she replied as our wrestling match
ensued. "I'm just bidding it up so they'll get a higher price."
Made sense, unless her instincts were wrong and we ended up
accidentally winning the bid. As the bidding got higher, the wrestling match
over the placard intensified. I was so glad I had done my stretching.
Thankfully, someone else did win that auction item. Instead, we
ended up contributing to the "Fund in Need," where the money goes
directly to the charity, no strings attached. It felt good to help, as
always.
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