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BIG CHANGES
ON HOMEFRONT |
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It was about a year ago. My wife and I looked at each
other, thoroughly disconsolate. Nothing was working.
The comfort level was gone. There were deep scars in our
outer shell, massive leaks, faulty wiring. We needed to make a big change,
and we needed to do it soon.
While many may think I’m referring to marital
problems, those would come later. First we had to begin remodelling our
house.
Actually, we had a choice. We could sell our house and
buy something similarly decrepit. The only difference would be having to
pay four times as much in real estate taxes.
Besides, we liked our house. The negligence and
deferred maintenance had a certain charm. Few of our friends had kitchens
like ours, which could bring back memories of those happy-go-lucky
"Leave it to Beaver" sitcoms. It felt like Eddie Haskell could
pop in at any minute.
There were other advantages as well. Many of the
windows were burglar proof, considering they wouldn’t open from the
inside, either. And our crumbling roof allowed us to appreciate the end of
El Nino more than most.
But there comes a time when charm and comfort
take a backseat to progress, such as when our bathroom toilet began to
sound like the foghorns at the Golden Gate every time we flushed.
Yes, it was time. We cashed in our savings, drained the
college education accounts, borrowed a little from a 98 year old
grandmother, and went out and hired an architect.
We paid his retainer, in full, and even had a little
bit left.
The planning stage was actually kind of fun. Move a
wall here, move a wall there---all the architect had to do was draw a line
and abracadabra, it was done. Remodelling was easy. We shared our
enthusiasm with our friends.
"It’s going to cost twice as much and take twice
as long as you expect," came the response from every single person.
As optimists, this was not what we wanted to
hear. Nor did we believe it. That happened to other people, not us. Those
lines on the plans didn’t look like much. It would all work out just
fine.
Then we got the estimate from our contractor.
Sure enough, it wasn’t twice what we expected. More like three times.
Out came the old eraser. Lines disappeared.
"How much did we save," we asked our contractor, perhaps a
little too anxiously.
I can’t remember his exact answer. I think it
was something like forty dollars.
Part of the problem of the escalating costs was
due to the necessary hiring of a structural engineer. Many of us thought
we had escaped any damage from the Loma Prieta quake of 1989. Not so.
The costs are still coming in. While our house
didn’t have any damage from the quake (although we’d use that excuse
from time to time to explain some defect to friends or neighbors), other
houses did. And it made quite an impact on structural engineers.
Our structural engineer was not about to see her work
fall down. Ever. Earthquakes, nuclear explosions…it didn’t matter. Her
baby was going nowhere.
Our contractor was appalled when he saw the structural
engineer's plans. There were braces, glue lams, spread footings, shear
walls and other thingamajigs that he hadn’t expected.
"This is what’s driving the price up," he
said, not entirely sympathetic. "But on the bright side, you can
probably land a helicopter on the second-level deck you’re
replacing."
I was not amused. I called the structural engineer,
weakly begging for a little relief while realizing it was difficult to
argue against safety.
"It’s the new building codes," she smugly
replied. "I’m only interpreting the code."
And I was only going broke.
Now we’re almost done with the remodel. Pets have
died, the grandmother is tapped out and community college is looking good
for the kids.
As for our marriage, we’re looking for a good
structural engineer to relieve the stress. |
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