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TO SAY HELLO, OR NOT
TO SAY HELLO
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I've been doing a lot of walking lately, mainly because it's
good therapy for the successful back surgery I had three months ago. While
that's a good thing, there's always a flip side---unfortunately, the walking
is giving me social anxiety.
Since no surgery can fix this disorder, I'm resigned to writing
the definitive treatise on how to interact with your fellow walkers. Once I
follow these Rules of Engagement, my social anxiety, and hopefully yours,
will be a thing of the past.
First of all, let's set the parameters. Walking in crowded
areas is not the issue here. Or walking with a purpose, such as in a
shopping mall or grocery store, no matter how isolated, does not create
anxiety. No need for personal interaction there. Being a zombie in those
situations is just fine.
It's walking on paths, or trails, or residential sidewalks with
few fellow walkers---that's where my new Rules of Engagement need to be
followed. To be clear, parameters must again be set. These are the two
instances where social anxiety creeps in:
1) The person or persons walking towards you are at least 30
yards away, or:
2) There is a 30 second gap between walkers.
I call this the 30-30 rule. Either way will create social
anxiety. As the walkers get closer, decisions have to be made. Engage or
disengage? Verbal or non-verbal? Eye contact or zombie mode? Passive or
aggressive?
So many choices. And as soon as you get through one walker,
there is most likely another coming soon. It's common to yearn for a swarm
of walkers and a break from the 30-30 rule so you won't have to deal with
them. I understand.
But deal with them you must. If it's been 30 yards or 30
seconds, it means they're probably expecting acknowledgment as well. Or
maybe not. That's where the anxiety begins.
For simplification, let's use the 30 yard rule. You see them,
and they most likely see you. You've got 20 yards to figure out what to do,
because 10 yards is Ground Zero. That's when engagement, if there is to be
engagement, must be done.
If you're lucky, the opposing walker is one of those goofy,
life-loving extroverts who has no clue about social anxiety. They'll smile
widely and shout out a "Good Morning" or a "Hello"
before you even have a chance to make eye contact. Then you can quietly
respond appropriately and move on.
It's usually not that easy, though. More often the oncoming
walker is a mystery. Will they be friendly, or will they be a zombie? It's
up to you to find out. The first step to the investigation is eye contact.
Numerous psychological studies have shown that humans have a
need to belong. We need to be connected, we need a sense of community. It's
essential for good human health. And eye contact is a sign of inclusion.
Therefore, making eye contact is Number One in my Rules of
Engagement. As much as I'd prefer not to sometimes, I am now an eye contact
afficionado. I'm all for good human health, and I don't want to exclude
anyone.
It would be nice if everyone else felt likewise. Quite often
I'm following my Rules of Engagement and I get stonewalled by a zombie with
earphones. My health suffers, but I move on.
I could chirp a "Good Morning" or a "Hello"
to someone who didn't give me reciprocal eye contact, but I choose not to.
The Rules of Engagement do not require such a sacrifice.
If I do get reciprocal eye contact, it becomes a game of
chicken. Does anyone go all out and offer a greeting, or does a nod and a
smile suffice. These are the questions that kept me up at night.
Until, that is, I came up with my Rules of Engagement. I now
nod and smile first, without waiting to see if the opposing walker is
friendly. Nine times out of ten, I'll get a nod and smile back, and
sometimes even a greeting, which I will of course reciprocate.
I'm spreading inclusion and good health throughout the human
race. My Rules of Engagement dictate that I be the mild aggressor, even with
zombies. They may ignore you, but at least they'll be healthy zombies.
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