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HANGING OUT WITH
THE RIGHT PEOPLE |
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With the surge of coronavirus cases in California, everyone's
anxiety level has probably increased a bit, including mine. Consequently,
I decided it was an opportune time to increase my safety standards.
"I've given it a lot of thought," I said to my wife
the other morning. "And I've decided I would like you to join the
social bubble I'm forming."
"That's nice," she replied, without even a glance
in my direction. "Considering we live in the same house, I think
that's a good choice."
She obviously didn't appreciate the invitation as much as I
thought she would. The house is plenty big enough to maintain social
distancing if she didn't make the cut for my bubble. I pointed that out
and it didn't go over well.
Social bubbles, or pandemic pods, are all the rage these
days, even though I haven't actually seen any. Counties have specified
that a social bubble is a group of 12 people or less who have agreed to
limit their in-person social activities to only each other. Individuals
can only belong to one social bubble at a time.
"Who else should I invite into our social bubble?"
I asked after I explained the qualifications to my wife.
"First of all, I haven't accepted your invitation,"
she said. "And secondly, who made you the leader?"
"Somebody's got to take charge. I'm starting with our
oldest daughter."
I called her on the phone. "Good news," I chirped.
"I'm inviting you to join my social bubble. And you can include your
husband and our little grandchildren." Then I added the closing
kicker. "And the grandchildren, per county definition, don't even
count for the 12 person limit!"
"I'm honored," she replied in a tone that reminded
me of her mother. "What do we have to do?"
"You just can't socialize or hang out with anyone
outside our exclusive social bubble. Kiss all of your friends and your
husband's family goodbye. Don't actually kiss them, though. If you did,
you'd be out of my social bubble."
She wasn't impressed so far. "So what you're saying is I
can only hang out with you and the rest of your social bubble, many of
whom I may have nothing in common with?"
"I haven't decided on the other invites yet. I'll
certainly consider your requests, but there's a long list of people who
would be thrilled to be included in such a prestigious bubble."
Apparently, my oldest daughter wasn't one of them. She
thanked me for the invite, but respectfully declined, letting me know that
social bubbles might be difficult to manage.
"I'll miss her," I said to my wife after I got off
the phone. "Maybe she'll come around after she sees how much fun my
social bubble is going to be. I'm sure we'll have an opening down the line
after we catch a cheater or two, and after her two weeks of quarantine, I
might give her another chance."
My wife had listened to the whole conversation and was eager
to add to it. "By the way, I'm out."
"You can't be out!" I cried. "You don't even
know who's in yet."
"I'll tell you what I do know. I know you'd never find
12 people who would agree to never see anyone except you."
That was a little harsh. The only solution was to prove her
wrong. I decided to call one of my best friends, who always came through
for me.
Sure enough, he readily agreed to be part of my social
bubble. But he said his wife, who had numerous friends, would never agree.
"Is that a problem?" he asked.
"Not at all," I replied. "As long as you don't
have any close contact with her. Is a divorce out of the question?"
Surprisingly, he opted out, too. So I tried a few other
friends, and met with the same response. For some reason, no one wanted to
forego seeing their friends and family just so they could hang out with
me.
"My social bubble isn't going well," I said to my
wife. "I pretty much knew I was in trouble when you said you didn't
want to be a part of it."
"It was a noble idea," she replied in a soothing
tone, which was unusual. "The counties have their heart in the right
place, but it's just not feasible for most people."
"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked. "With
my social bubble burst before it started, I'm vulnerable."
She patted me on the shoulder. "Wear a mask, big boy.
Wear a mask." |
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