|
With Thanksgiving only a
few days away, I thought it appropriate to offer thanks to those people
who are instrumental to the success of small business.
So
clasp your hands together and lower your head to the appropriate position.
Personally, I prefer to continually bang my head sharply on the table in
front of me while giving thanks, but that’s my choice. So here we go.
Bankers: Thank
you, Lord, for providing small business with bankers, who are always there
for us as long as we don’t need any of their money, which they prefer to
loan to Bolivia. But they’re always available for lunch, which is
something, and they quite often pay.
Landlords:
Oh Lord, you have blessed us with this solid class of people, the
landlords, who scrimp and save so they can purchase a roof to place over
our pathetic little heads. What a noble gesture, and we are eternally
grateful. Excuse me, Lord, but perhaps "eternally" is too strong
a word. As a matter of fact, "grateful" might be stretching it
as well. We’ll let you know when the lease expires and we check the new
rent structure. If we’re out on our ear, scratch this part.
Partners/inventors:
How can we thank thee, Lord, for our cooperative, supportive, non-mingling
partners and investors? We can’t , because that type does not seem to
exist. But we can thank you for creating people who have nothing better to
do with their money than throw it to us in blind acts of faith. And we
understand their neurosis, their suspicions and their anxiety. We just
wish they would go away and leave us and their money alone.
Insurance salespersons:
Lord, in your infinite wisdom you created insurance salespersons, who
flock to our telephones and places of business to passionately deliver
fiery oratory about the coming of various forms of business Armageddon.
Fire, liability, business interruption, health, disability, worker’s
compensation and, of course, life insurance are all showered on us to
prepare for the dark days ahead. Thank you, Lord, for bringing these
people to us. Now we no longer fear death, not because we’re insured,
but because we no longer will be forced to listen to our impending doom.
Lawyers: Oh,
Lord, this is too easy. But thank you anyway for sending these ministers
of justice, these ambassadors of equity into our lives. To pay a mere $250
an hour for a smidgen of knowledge and advice from these preachers of
common sense is more than any small-business person could expect. Or want.
Or need. Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways. We only wonder why we
have to pay so much for it.
Government/taxes:
We thank you, Lord, for allowing us to pay our fair share in taxes so we
can keep the wheels of our government turning, enabling it to continue
running over us until we are completely flattened. And we thank you, Lord,
for President-elect Bill Clinton, as we were tired of blaming George Bush
for everything. As we carve our turkey, we are reminded that fresh blood
is the best blood. But seeing as patience is indeed a virtue, we’ll
graciously give him a week after his inauguration to turn things around.
Employees: How
do we thank employees, Lord, without also raising their pay? They are the
body and soul of our business, but they want to be paid with more than
bread and wine, and cash is not always available. We do our best to
compensate them for their efforts and we are grateful for their patience.
They are indeed worth more than they receive, but that will remain our
little secret.
Customers:
Now we’re talking thanks, Lord. If our employees are the body and soul
of our business, then the customers are the eggs and sperm. We would not
exist without their purchases, Lord, and we thank you for creating such a
fine group of consumers. The last thing I wish to do is upset these
people, so please let me know if they object to being labeled eggs and
sperm.
That completes our list for
this Thanksgiving, dear Lord. There are undoubtedly many who have been
omitted, and we thank them for their assistance as well.
Now, let us eat. We’ll start
with the lawyers.
|
|
