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THE END OF
THE RECESSION |
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"Aren’t you
going to congratulate me on my incredible financial foresight?" I
asked my wife as I read the front page of the morning newspaper the other
day.
She looked
up and sighed, knowing she was in for another round of chest-thumping from
me. "What have you done now?"
I thumped my
chest. "I predicted the end of the recession," I responded.
"Not only that, I predicted the exact day."
"The
recession isn’t over."
"Oh,
yes it is," I argued cheerily. "The stock market is up, the
banks are making money again and, and…..there’s probably lots of other
things."
"And
you predicted this?" she asked, falling right into my trap.
"Yes, I
did. You’ve conveniently forgotten that I said the recession would be
over when the clocks changed. All people needed were longer days and a
little more sunlight."
"That’s
the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard," she replied.
Clearly, she
doesn’t understand the financial world like I do. I have a keen eye for
the intricacies of the American economic engine. And I’ve been
predicting since November that the recession would end March 8th,
when the clocks changed.
"Happy
days are here again," I chimed. "The proverbial light at the end
of the tunnel has been seen, and it is in the form of barbecues and
sunshine."
"What
are you talking about," she asked, instantly wishing she hadn’t.
I couldn’t
believe she was actually interested, so I had to come up with something.
"OK, I’ll
give you an example. I was down in Carmel a couple of months ago and I
went into a men’s clothing store."
That got her
attention. I never go shopping for clothes. I have the wardrobe to prove
it.
"Don’t
get so excited," I said. "I had some time to waste and was just
wandering around. But miraculously, I did actually see some shirts that I
wanted to buy. They were very comfy and very fashionable. You would have
been proud of me."
I could see
her slump. "But you didn’t buy them."
"Of
course not," I replied. "The days were too short. There was a
recession going on. I really wanted to buy three of them, each a different
color, and you would have loved them. But it would have been about a $200
sale, and I just couldn’t do it.
"So you
didn’t buy the shirts because the days were too short?" she asked,
a bit too sarcastic.
"Exactly."
She started
to get up. "That’s the second stupidest thing I’ve ever
heard."
I need a
smarter audience. She just didn’t get it. "Don’t you
understand?" I asked, trying to be sympathetic. "When I was
considering buying the shirts, it felt like the dead of winter. I had no
hope."
"And now you
do?"
"Of course.
As soon as the clocks changed, I could hear the birds chirping, I could
see leaves on trees, I could play outdoors until 7 p.m.…I could feel
Spring and a glorious Summer in the air. Hope had returned. "
Suddenly, I
could see a ray of hope In my wife’s eyes, too. "Does this mean you’re
going to make an effort to dress better?" she asked.
"Of
course," I replied. "I’ve been a Recession Child for too long.
I’m going to go back to that store and find those shirts and buy them. I
will do my part to add to the financial bonanza we will all experience now
that the clocks have changed."
And so I
did. I had some business in the Carmel/Monterey area and headed down there
once again a few days ago. I completed my work by the late afternoon and
was ready to make my miraculous purchase.
It was a beautiful
day. I could taste Spring. There were people everywhere, laughing, eating,
shopping. That ugly recession, talked about and talked about during those
long, lonely, dark days of Winter, was clearly a thing of the past.
With a bounce in
my step, I merrily walked down Carmel’s Ocean Avenue late in the
afternoon. The sun wouldn’t set for another two or three hours. I couldn’t
wait to spend my $200 for those three shirts.
And had that
store still been in business, I’m pretty sure I would have.
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