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FINDING A NEW CAREER
IS A GOOD BET
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It's not easy being a poster child, but since my business
happens to be restaurants and retail stores in tourist areas, it's safe to
say that I am the poster child for businesses adversely affected by this
pesky pandemic thing.
With business company-wide down about 70%, it was pretty clear
to me that I needed to come up with a new source of income. As a red-blooded
American capitalist, I'm pleased to report that I have succeeded. As of four
days ago, I am now a professional sports gambler.
"Oh....My.....God," said my wife when I told her the
exciting news. "Please tell me you're kidding."
"You know how much I love sports," I replied.
"I've decided to put my knowledge to work. Don't worry, I'll only bet
on sports that I understand, like basketball. I've got the Houston Rockets
tonight against the Dallas Mavericks. It's a sure thing."
Once she finished questioning my sanity, she questioned whether
I would end up in jail. I explained that the website where I placed my bet,
Bovada.com, was based in Costa Rica and was therefore legal. It gets 3.4
million visitors a month, and they couldn't all be clueless.
I've never been much of a gambler, but these were desperate
times. A good friend, who is very responsible, had recommended Bovada.com to
me, and I took him up on it. It opened a world that I knew existed, but had
never experienced.
Want to bet that the Western Sydney Wanderers wallop the
Brisbane Roar in Australian soccer, or the Ulsan Hyundai take it to the
Suwan Samsung in South Korean soccer? Or how about going with Tynchtyk
Turabekov , with 5.5 points, against Sergey Ogay in the Ligo Pro Cup Ping
Pong tournament in Russia? Bet away.
You can bet on cricket, Gaelic Games, darts, cycling and even
politics. In soccer, you can bet on which team will kick off, first and
second half results, number of corner kicks, corner kicks in each half,
which team will score next, and much more.
And that's just sports. You can go to the online casino and
play live poker, blackjack, slot machines and other games where I would be
guaranteed to lose. That's why I was sticking with basketball, where I knew
I could win and erase any pandemic business losses.
That wasn't the only advantage. I could now watch sports on
television and explain to my wife that I was working on my career. Since
she's not a sports fan, it could come in very handy when arguing over what
to watch. Worth a try.
As I predicted, Houston beat Dallas last Friday night for my
first win. And then when the Los Angeles Clippers trounced the New Orleans
Pelicans on Saturday night, as I predicted, I was fairly certain my new
career was an incredibly wise choice.
"I'm invincible!" I exhorted to my son when I called
him on the phone to let him know that I couldn't lose.
"Maybe you should start a gambling blog," he
suggested. "I can think of a lot of people who would never subscribe to
it."
My son and his friends have been lightly betting on sports
games for years. He thinks he's pretty good at it, but he certainly wasn't
undefeated, as I was. Jealously did not become him.
"Let me know if you want any tips," I responded.
"I might make a mistake down the road, but it's unlikely."
He offered to bet me I'd lose my next bet, but I wasn't biting.
I couldn't be distracted by such mundane wagers. I had research to do.
At least I knew my wife would be impressed. She always has my
back. Now that I was a professional gambler with an undefeated record, I
couldn't wait to hear the accolades.
"Oh....My.....God," she said when I told her how I'd
turned the tables on the pandemic. "You are out of your mind. Do you
know how many people's lives have been ruined by gambling addictions?"
Yes. And after checking out Bovada.com, it's easy to see why.
If you're betting on ping pong games in Russia, you've got a problem.
I told her I was only going to bet until I lost, and that might
take awhile, considering how much I knew about basketball. She gave me her
full support.
It happened a little sooner than I predicted, like Sunday
night. I withdrew the $23 I had cumulatively won with my 2-1 record and
retired as a professional gambler. I went back to simply hoping the pandemic
is over soon.
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