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THE HOPPE SCALE
TRIUMPHANTLY RETURNS
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As some readers may remember, I wrote a column last summer
introducing the Hoppe Scale, which measured an individual's fear factor
related to COVID-19. The detailed scale went from 1.0 (clueless) to 5.0
(hopelessly paranoid).
Naturally, it went viral. At least three or four people
referred to the Hoppe Scale when contemplating an invitation. As noted in
the column, conversations went like this:
Daughter: Mom, would you like to join us for my birthday
next weekend?
Mother: You know I'm a 4.2 on the Hoppe Scale. Could you
remind me of your level?
Daughter: I'm up to a 3.5. But your son-in-law is
hanging firm at a 2.7, I'm afraid. But we're inviting a couple of 3.9's,
also. What do you think?
Mother: If I was a 3.5, I'd consider it. But being a
4.2, I'm sorry to say I'm out. And so is your father, since he lives with
me. Happy Birthday, dear.
Now times have changed, and so must the Hoppe Scale. While the
old scale is still relevant and used widely in hot spots like India, Peru
and Alabama, a revision needs to be made for places like California, where
vaccination rates are reaching 70%. So here it is:
LEVEL FIVE: Vaccinations, smaccinations. Got the
vaccination, but still assumes Bill Gates knows everywhere you're going.
Paranoid and delusional. Still wears masks while driving alone in a car. The
variants are lurking, waiting to smash the vaccination barrier.
LEVEL FOUR: Got the vaccination, but doesn't trust it.
Venturing out more than before, but still wearing mask outdoors and wouldn't
be caught dead in a crowd. Socializes with friends, but feels reckless and
vulnerable when done. Waiting for the next surge.
LEVEL THREE: Also vaccinated, but not entirely convinced
it's effective. Scans the media for reports of a vaccinated person getting
the virus. Still wears masks in grocery stores. Cringes when someone sneezes
or coughs. But absolutely certain Bill Gates isn't tracking them.
LEVEL TWO: Also vaccinated. Masks are gone, social
distancing is gone, and science is trusted. Life is back to normal. Enjoying
weddings, sporting events, restaurants and crowds. Not worried about surges,
because trusts that vaccine will protect.
LEVEL ONE: This level is reserved for non-vaccinated
knuckleheads who think they're invincible. Science cannot be trusted.
Believes vaccines are more dangerous than COVID. Thinks herd immunity is
unnecessary. Possibly believes in the Easter Bunny.
Like many people, I'm frustrated by those that refuse to get
vaccinated (exceptions, of course, for serious medical conditions). Would
they have refused the polio vaccine, the measles or mumps vaccine, or the 11
others that eradicated certain diseases?
Because of their reluctance, we're going to have a
discriminatory society that is going to cause many, many problems down the
road. They may not get COVID, but they're going to get a ton of abuse. And
it could get ugly. For example:
The National Football League just came out with restrictions
for unvaccinated players. They will need to be tested daily and wear masks
at team facilities. They can't leave the team hotel or eat meals with
teammates, or travel on the same plane with their vaccinated teammates.
That should work well. Obviously, the NFL is urging all players
to get vaccinated, as they should. But only about 52 of the 90 players on
the 49ers, for instance, are vaccinated. It will be fascinating to see how
that plays out.
I trust the science. Two weeks after I got my second dose of
the Pfizer vaccine, I put COVID in the rear view mirror. I am clearly a 2.0,
maybe a 2.1. Yes, it's conceivable that I could still catch the virus, but
it's almost inconceivable that I would be hospitalized and/or die from it.
That's what science tells me, and I'm on board.
Life is a calculated risk. I don't worry about getting polio,
thanks to the vaccine, and now I don't worry about getting COVID, thanks to
the vaccine. It's been a liberating experience, and my gratitude for the
biologists that developed the vaccines is enormous.
If you're unvaccinated, you're missing out on a really good
time. And thanks to you, we're all missing out on a chance to completely
defeat this virus that has so disrupted our lives for the last 16 months.
I've heard all the reasons for your reluctance, and none of
them make sense to me. I respect your freedom to determine what goes in your
body, but I also respect science. I wish you would, too.
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