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HOLIDAYS BRING OUT
THE COMPETITION
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Thanksgiving was over. As I said to my wife as the final dishes
were washed last Thursday evening, it was no time to relax. The battle
continues.
We were still reeling from the beating we took at Thanksgiving.
Only one of our four children came to dinner. The other three went off to
celebrate with their significant other's families.
"Christmas is going to be different," I bravely
announced as I wrapped up the leftovers and placed them in the fridge.
"I'm expecting 100% participation."
"It might be tough," my wife replied, alluding to the
fact that our daughter and her boyfriend had come to Thanksgiving at our
house, meaning they might have to go to his parents for Christmas.
She could be right. Damn. Once again, I lamented the fact that
none of our children had found a lifelong partner who was an orphan. This
competition with the in-laws was becoming more intense every year.
Even our youngest, who has only dated his girlfriend for a year
and a half, flew with her to Minneapolis to spend Thanksgiving with her
family. What about us?
We were always together for holidays because there were no
other choices. Now all these other parents are interfering with our joyous
celebrations. The only good news is that all of our children's significant
others have parents who aren't divorced. Splitting everyone up three ways
would make negotiations even tougher.
"I don't think they've gone out long enough for her to
spend Christmas with his family," my wife eventually responded about
our daughter who was gracious enough to spend Thanksgiving with us. "I
think we've got one more year of her full attendance."
I wasn't so sure, but I liked her confidence. Besides, we had
plenty to work on with the other three. And the number one priority at the
moment was our oldest daughter, who was married and had provided us with our
first grandchild.
A grandchild who was MIA at our Thanksgiving table.
Well, not exactly missing. She was at the in-law's house near
Fresno, entertaining them with her 18 month old antics. The in-laws are
wonderful people, and we were very happy they had a nice holiday. But if
they took Thanksgiving, we were taking Christmas.
Then there was our oldest son, who just proposed to his
longtime girlfriend. While we were thrilled about the engagement, we also
knew a new set of competitors was entering the fray.
Sure enough, off they went to spend Thanksgiving with her
parents. What about us?
The good news about this relationship is that his fiancee is an
only child and her parents are also delightful. That means we'll be able to
sneak in a couple of extra holidays by inviting her parents to join us
without including a bunch of brothers and/or sisters and their significant
others.
It's all so complicated. If your kids are still young, enjoy
the simplicity of having them all to yourself. If you're divorced with young
kids, know that you're just ahead of the game. Sharing them at holidays, in
the long run, is the norm.
As I scraped some remnants of pumpkin pie into the garbage
disposal, I contemplated our chances for full participation at Christmas. I
agreed with my wife---it was looking good. And with an 18 month old
grandchild, I decided I'd take Christmas over Thanksgiving.
But what about next year? Our grandchild would be 2 1/2, and it
would be the in-laws turn for Christmas. We would probably get Thanksgiving,
but would you rather watch a 2 1/2 year old eat turkey or squeal with
delight while opening presents?
"What if we offered to trade Thanksgiving, Easter and St.
Patrick's Day for Christmas next year?" I suggested to my wife.
"Think the in-laws would go for that?"
"I doubt it," she replied. "I think we're
out."
She was probably right. There were only two logical solutions.
1) Invite them and their extended family to join us, which meant we'd have
to rent AT&T Park for dinner, or 2) celebrate Christmas in January.
But that was a problem for next year. We had the upper
hand for this year, having given up Thanksgiving. Our kids who had
deserted us wouldn't dare desert us again for Christmas. They knew the
meaning of fair.
Meanwhile, we enjoyed our Thanksgiving dinner with our faithful
daughter, bless her heart, and her boyfriend who dumped his parents to be
with her. And we also had some friends who joined us, since there was plenty
of room at the table thanks to our other traitorous children.
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