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My
wife, Fidelity, received a small inheritance the other day from her
recently deceased godmother.
"It’s mine," she said with
true love pouring out of her. "Keep your grubby hands off of
it."
"But Fidelity," I whimpered.
"We share everything. You’re setting a bad example for our
children."
She barely batted an eyebrow. "Try
another state, pal. Inheritances are clearly separate property in this
one." She caressed the check, right in front of my face. "Yes,
sir, this baby is all mine to do with what I want."
Reluctantly, I conceded the law
was on her side. "So what are you going to do with it?"
"I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll buy
that cute little Mazda Miata I’ve had my eye on."
Fidelity didn’t seem to hear me
explain she’d have difficulty condensing our four children into the
single passenger seat the Miata offers. She was busy cruising down Highway
1, top down.
"Or maybe I’ll take you on
a vacation, all expenses on me. How would you like that?"
I wagged my tail as fast as I
could.
"No," she decided,
rather quickly. "I’d feel uncomfortable sitting in first class with
you back in coach."
She was clearly enjoying this
immensely. After throwing a few more options on the table and running her
check over them, Fidelity decided the prudent thing to do with her
newfound wealth was to invest it.
"A fine choice," I
said. "Our business can always use some extra cash."
"I was thinking about mutual
funds and tax-free municipal bonds," she replied.
How boring.
But there was no stopping her.
Each day the mailman delivered more solicitations and information from
companies like Vanguard, Janus, Franklin Fund, and others for Fidelity to
peruse.
I put together a quick prospectus
for the new Hoppe Foundation, but Fidelity unfairly only gave it a passing
glance. The others she studied in great detail.
"Don’t you want my
advice?" I asked one evening as I watched her struggle with all her
options.
"Not particularly," she
replied without even looking up. "As I recall, the last investment
you made outside your business was seven years ago, when you bought an
interest in an apartment complex in Houston, Texas, at the height of the
oil fallout."
"The purchase price amounted
to only $15,000 per unit," I answered, a bit defensively. "My
financial counselor (former) said it was a heck of a bargain, with very
little downside."
Fidelity had heard it all before.
"The 68 percent vacancy rate certainly didn’t deter you."
I shrugged. "If the managing
partner had taken my advice and turned it into an all-nudist apartment
complex, I’d be a rich man today."
"I’m going the safe,
conservative route," she said. "A little here, a little there,
no-load funds, weighted averaging…I’m getting the hang of this."
I was disgusted. "Gee, why
don’t you really go out on a limb and buy a certificate of deposit and
get a whopping 3.2 percent return?"
"Laugh now, bozo," she
replied, "but when the kids accept their college diplomas and brush
by you to thank me for my prudent investing, you’ll think
differently."
She had a point. While my
business is doing fine, it’s doubtful many parents except one (me) would
bank their children’s future on it.
I guess we’re just different,
and that’s a good balance. While I have the need for greed, Fidelity
takes the slow road, plodding along like the tortoise.
Neither of us is likely to
change. Any extra cash I come across is eventually pumped right back into
the business. I’ll expand, reduce debt, build equity and consequently
save for the children’s education and our retirement – in a roundabout
way.
It makes all the sense in the
world to me. What could be safer than investing in yourself?
Fortunately, Fidelity doesn’t
have the same confidence in me.
"That’s it," she
said, sealing the last envelope the other morning over breakfast. "It’s
all invested."
I peeked at the address and
noted she was sending it about 3,000 miles from my office mailbox.
"Look at it this
way," she said, sensing my mild irritation. "Maybe some day you’ll
go public and one of my mutual funds will pick up your stock."
"Sweetheart!" I
cried, taking her in my arms. "You do have faith in me."
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