|
| |
|
AN AFFAIR
TO FORGET |
|
I wandered into her office one day
not long ago, attracted by an advertisement I had seen. She gave me a
come-hither smile and with a toss of the head her golden locks cascaded
seductively past her shoulders.
"I want you," she purred. "I
want all of you."
I sat up a little straighter and tried tossing my
head, but only managed to slightly sprain my neck.
"I don’t make changes easily," I said
nonchalantly. "I have a great deal of loyalty."
"My name is Heidi," she replied,
lightly blowing a wisp of hair that had curled on her lip. "And I
know you will love what I can do for you."
"Enough that I would dump a relationship of
almost 11 years?" I asked.
Heidi scoffed, but it was an enchanting scoff.
"I will service you infinitely better. I
will make you wonder why you didn’t come to me years ago."
I was intrigued. Only moments earlier I had been
a strong, happy man. Suddenly I was nothing but pudding, a slave to this
temptress.
"All right," I said, staring right into her
aqua-blue eyes. "Give me your best."
God, was she good. She started slowly, well aware of
the importance of foreplay, and lathered me with some rates on home equity
loans.
"Yes," I said, "that’s good, that’s
good."
Then she moved to other areas. She whispered how
she could save me a fortune on service fees for ATM access and
checkwriting.
"I like that," I whispered back.
"I like that a lot."
"And I will pay you more interest on your
deposits," said Heidi, her voice rising. "And I will pay for
your parking."
"Oh my, Oh my…Don’t stop…Yes, Yes,
YES!"
"And I will give you a line of credit.
And I will give you a commercial term loan for your business!!!"
That was the capper. I couldn’t hold back
any longer. "AIYEEEEEEE1" I screamed. "TAKE ME, I’M
YOURS!"
We discussed details over a cigarette. I
would dump my stodgy old battle-ax bank and run off with Heidi’s bank,
which promised great service, huge cost savings and an exciting future of
easy loans.
Heidi and I both felt we had something
special going. I signed the papers, transferred both personal and business
accounts, and we set out on our new life together, leaving my old banker
gasping and wheezing in our dust.
All went well for a few months. She tended to my
every need, and even asked once or twice whether I needed any loans. I
declined, not wishing to rush our relationship. We were moving along,
gaining confience in each other, building trust.
And then the phone call. She wanted to meet with
me. She’d come by my office, which was close by.
When she walked in, I sensed something was wrong.
She looked guilty.
"I’m leaving you," she said, getting
right to the point. "I’ve been promoted. I’m taking over a bigger
branch, and it’s far away from you."
"Just like that," I cried, turning
away. "After all I gave up for you, you’re just going to dump me
for a bigger branch."
"I’m sorry, but it’s a great opportunity for
me. And if you have any problems, you can always call me at my new
branch."
Yeah, right, I thought. The old we-can-still-be-friends
routine. I wasn’t buying it for a second.
"You banks are all the same," I said,
indignant. "You’re just a bunch of hussies. You
talk sweet, you get to know us, and then just when we can start taking
advantage of our close relationship, you transfer out of our lives."
Heidi wasn’t listening. She was as far away as Mars.
I was nothing more than dirt. How quickly we had fallen.
I had to maintain my dignity. "I’m happy for
you," I said, forcing a smile.
We said our goodbyes. No tears.
That was three months ago. Heidi’s replacement was
named shortly thereafter. I haven’t called him and he hasn’t called
me. There’s not much point. Both of us know how it will end.
|
|
|
