AN AFFAIR 
TO FORGET

       I wandered into her office one day not long ago, attracted by an advertisement I had seen. She gave me a come-hither smile and with a toss of the head her golden locks cascaded seductively past her shoulders.
      "I want you," she purred. "I want all of you."
     I sat up a little straighter and tried tossing my head, but only managed to slightly sprain my neck.
     "I donít make changes easily," I said nonchalantly. "I have a great deal of loyalty."
     "My name is Heidi," she replied, lightly blowing a wisp of hair that had curled on her lip. "And I know you will love what I can do for you."
     "Enough that I would dump a relationship of almost 11 years?" I asked.
     Heidi scoffed, but it was an enchanting scoff.
     "I will service you infinitely better. I will make you wonder why you didnít come to me years ago."
     I was intrigued. Only moments earlier I had been a strong, happy man. Suddenly I was nothing but pudding, a slave to this temptress.
    "All right," I said, staring right into her aqua-blue eyes. "Give me your best."
    God, was she good. She started slowly, well aware of the importance of foreplay, and lathered me with some rates on home equity loans.
    "Yes," I said, "thatís good, thatís good."
     Then she moved to other areas. She whispered how she could save me a fortune on service fees for ATM access and checkwriting.
     "I like that," I whispered back. "I like that a lot."
     "And I will pay you more interest on your deposits," said Heidi, her voice rising. "And I will pay for your parking."
     "Oh my, Oh myÖDonít stopÖYes, Yes, YES!"
      "And I will give you a line of credit. And I will give you a commercial term loan for your business!!!"
      That was the capper. I couldnít hold back any longer. "AIYEEEEEEE1" I screamed. "TAKE ME, IíM YOURS!"
      We discussed details over a cigarette. I would dump my stodgy old battle-ax bank and run off with Heidiís bank, which promised great service, huge cost savings and an exciting future of easy loans.
      Heidi and I both felt we had something special going. I signed the papers, transferred both personal and business accounts, and we set out on our new life together, leaving my old banker gasping and wheezing in our dust.
     All went well for a few months. She tended to my every need, and even asked once or twice whether I needed any loans. I declined, not wishing to rush our relationship. We were moving along, gaining confience in each other, building trust.
     And then the phone call. She wanted to meet with me. Sheíd come by my office, which was close by.
     When she walked in, I sensed something was wrong. She looked guilty.
     "Iím leaving you," she said, getting right to the point. "Iíve been promoted. Iím taking over a bigger branch, and itís far away from you."
     "Just like that," I cried, turning away. "After all I gave up for you, youíre just going to dump me for a bigger branch."
    "Iím sorry, but itís a great opportunity for me. And if you have any problems, you can always call me at my new branch."
    Yeah, right, I thought. The old we-can-still-be-friends routine. I wasnít buying it for a second.
    "You banks are all the same," I said, indignant.    "Youíre just a bunch of hussies. You talk sweet, you get to know us, and then just when we can start taking advantage of our close relationship, you transfer out of our lives."
    Heidi wasnít listening. She was as far away as Mars. I was nothing more than dirt. How quickly we had fallen.
    I had to maintain my dignity. "Iím happy for you," I said, forcing a smile.
    We said our goodbyes. No tears.
    That was three months ago. Heidiís replacement was named shortly thereafter. I havenít called him and he hasnít called me. Thereís not much point. Both of us know how it will end.

 

 

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